#7 - Lived Experience - Connecting with passion to overcome burnout with Emma Gilmour
Audio Brief
Show transcript
This episode covers one family's journey navigating neurodivergence, focusing on a child's severe autistic burnout and the path to recovery.
There are four key takeaways from this conversation. First, parents must trust their instincts as the experts on their child, challenging unhelpful professional advice. Second, prioritizing relational safety and a low-demand environment is crucial for recovery from burnout. Third, recognizing autistic burnout as a profound physical and mental health crisis, not defiance, is vital. Finally, engaging a child's passions in safe contexts aids in rebuilding capacity and confidence.
The family's late neurodivergent diagnoses meant early challenges were often misunderstood, leading to parent-blaming and unhelpful advice. This underscores the need for parents to become strong advocates, seeking out truly supportive and neuro-affirming professionals.
Ushi, the daughter, exhibited high-masking at school, appearing "perfect" while struggling internally. This led to severe after-school meltdowns and ultimately, profound autistic burnout. Creating a safe, low-demand environment and prioritizing the parent-child relationship over external pressures like school attendance became paramount for her healing.
Her burnout was so severe it left her bedbound, physically unable to move or speak, often misdiagnosed as depression or defiance. Understanding autistic burnout as a physical and mental health crisis, rather than a behavioral choice, is essential for effective support and intervention.
Allowing children to deeply engage in their high-interest, passion-led activities within a protected, safe environment can be profoundly energizing. This approach helps rebuild capacity, fosters confidence, and is a vital component of the recovery process.
This discussion underscores the critical importance of informed advocacy and a neuro-affirming approach to supporting neurodivergent children.
Episode Overview
- Emma Gilmour shares her lived experience of parenting two neurodivergent children, focusing on her younger daughter Ushi's journey with "School Can't."
- The episode traces Ushi's story from an "interesting baby" who struggled with sleep and attachment to a high-masking primary school student, and finally to experiencing severe autistic burnout.
- Emma discusses the challenges of navigating the medical and educational systems, dealing with unhelpful advice and parent-blaming before finding supportive professionals.
- The conversation highlights the critical role of relational safety, low-demand parenting, and following a child's passions as key strategies for recovery from burnout.
Key Concepts
- Late Diagnosis: The entire family, including Emma, are late-diagnosed autistic and ADHD, which meant they lacked a frame of reference for their early challenges.
- High Masking: Ushi was a "hugely high masker," appearing "perfect" at school while struggling internally, leading to after-school meltdowns ("wheels would fall off").
- Autistic Burnout & Chronic Fatigue: Ushi's burnout became so severe she was bedbound, physically unable to move or even speak, which was initially misdiagnosed as depression or defiance.
- Relational Safety: Emma emphasizes that creating a safe, low-demand environment and prioritizing the parent-child relationship over external expectations (like school attendance) is crucial for recovery.
- Parent Advocacy: The journey involved Emma educating herself, pushing back against unhelpful professional advice, and becoming a strong advocate to ensure her daughter's needs were understood and met.
Quotes
- At 01:43 - "We had no idea that we were neurodivergent." - Emma explaining that her entire family received late diagnoses for autism and ADHD, which shaped their early parenting journey without a clear understanding of their needs.
- At 07:36 - "Was that school came home into safe place." - Emma identifying the critical turning point during COVID lockdowns, where the stress of school invaded the one environment her daughter felt safe, triggering a significant decline.
- At 14:16 - "I'm like, this is where we are... She's not sat at home like dancing around, she's bedridden." - Emma describing the frustration of dealing with professionals who viewed her daughter's inability to attend school as a choice or a "trying issue" rather than a physical and mental health crisis.
- At 21:48 - "Not, not letting her be in unsafe spaces. Some teachers don't mean to be, but they can cause terrible harm in a sensitive child." - Emma highlighting her key role as a parent is to protect her child by vetting environments and people to ensure they are relationally safe.
- At 22:58 - "I have a full ban on anyone talking to my child about attendance because they will try and please those people and then they will push themselves back into harm." - Emma explaining a crucial boundary she sets with schools and professionals to protect her daughter from the pressure to mask and overextend herself.
Takeaways
- Trust Your Gut: As a parent, you are the expert on your child. If professional advice feels wrong or behaviorist, it's okay to push back and seek out neuro-affirming support.
- Prioritize Relational Safety: The foundation for recovery from burnout is a safe, low-demand environment. Protecting your child's sense of safety, even if it means reducing school attendance or other external pressures, is paramount.
- Recognize Autistic Burnout: Burnout can manifest physically, leading to chronic fatigue, inability to move, and even loss of speech. It is not defiance or simply "not trying."
- Follow the Child's Passions: Engaging in high-interest, passion-led activities in a safe context can be energizing and a vital part of the recovery process, helping to rebuild capacity and confidence.
