288 ‒ The impact of gratitude, serving others, embracing mortality, and living intentionally

Episode Overview

• Guest Walter Green shares his life philosophy, dividing his 85 years into three distinct acts: finding himself, making himself, and becoming himself.
• The conversation explores how a challenging childhood and a deep-seated fear of mortality, stemming from his father's early death, shaped Walter's focus on relationships and expressing appreciation.
• Walter explains the origin and mission of his "Say It Now" movement, which encourages people to proactively share their gratitude with loved ones while they are still alive.
• The episode delves into the concepts of living with purpose, the power of public acknowledgment, and finding peace by embracing an "unfinished symphony" at the end of life.

Key Concepts

• Life in Three Acts: Walter's framework for his life journey, broken into 29-year segments: "finding myself" (childhood struggles), "making myself" (career and family), and "becoming myself" (purpose and legacy).
• The Power of Expressed Gratitude: The central theme that gratitude is not a passive feeling but an active expression that enriches both the giver and the receiver.
• Fear of Mortality as a Motivator: Walter's profound fear of dying young, like his father who passed at 53, drove many of his actions, including his elaborate 50th birthday party designed to celebrate others.
• The Impact of Public Acknowledgment: A lesson from the conference business that appreciation is significantly amplified when expressed in a group setting versus one-on-one.
• "Purpose Time" vs. "Pastime": The idea of reframing later life and retirement not as a time for leisure, but as an opportunity to live a life of service and meaning.
• Authenticity and Empathy: The core qualities that allow for deep, meaningful connections and position someone as a trusted confidant.
• The "Say It Now" Movement: A global initiative to inspire people, especially younger generations, to articulate their appreciation for others before it's too late.
• Finishing Strong: A holistic approach to the end of life that involves getting one's financial, emotional, and relational affairs in order.
• The Unfinished Symphony: A metaphor for accepting that a life of purpose will never be "complete," and finding peace in the continuous process of contribution.

Quotes

• At 0:14 - "If you want to start being grateful and you want to wait till you're 80s, it's really tough." - Walter Green, comparing the practice of gratitude to long-term financial planning, noting it's much harder to start late in life.
• At 0:27 - "...this awareness and expression of gratitude, it's not just awareness. It's expression of gratitude." - Walter emphasizes that the act of expressing gratitude is as important as the internal feeling itself.
• At 2:19 - "If you can give the gift of a special relationship to people you care about, there is no more beautiful gift." - Walter reflects on the profound nature of their mutual friend Rick Elias's gesture of bringing his friends together simply to meet each other.
• At 5:02 - "I would probably call the first stage... finding myself. The next 29 were making myself. And the last 29 have been becoming myself." - Walter describes the three distinct phases of his life journey, each lasting approximately 29 years.
• At 7:39 - "It really did set the stage for my life... It wasn't just the movement... it was that my mother got cancer when I was nine." - Walter explains how the instability and emotional trauma of his early years shaped his entire life perspective.
• At 9:02 - "All this movement preempted any chance to have a relationship. I didn't have any friends. It made no sense to have a friend; I was going to be moving in a year or two." - Walter reflects on how the transience of his youth prevented him from forming lasting friendships.
• At 27:40 - "I also created for each of them a memento of a picture and then a summary... two lines, two sentences what each one present had meant to me." - Walter describing the personalized gifts he prepared for each guest at his 50th birthday party.
• At 28:18 - "It was my first experience seeing how much people appreciate being appreciated, and made more so when you do it publicly." - Walter's key takeaway from making his 50th birthday celebration about honoring his friends and family.
• At 29:47 - "That left an indelible impression, but for me, that was still locked into this fear that 53 may be done for me." - Walter explaining that despite the powerful birthday experience, his perspective was still limited by his fear of dying young.
• At 30:18 - "I closed my eyes and it was black. Tears ran down my face." - Walter recounting a painful moment during a seminar where he was unable to visualize an ideal future, revealing his deep-seated fear of mortality.
• At 31:44 - "I always saw the power of expressing something in a group... If 10 people told you individually something, it was not as powerful as 10 people gathering to tell that person." - Walter explaining the rationale behind expressing his gratitude publicly.
• At 1:01:17 - "He said of all the members of the group, you'd be the first or second person that everyone would come to if they had an issue." - Walter recounting what the moderator of his men's group told him, highlighting his trustworthiness.
• At 1:02:42 - "I think it's based on authenticity and empathy and compassion. And I think we all have it. I don't know that we all use it." - Walter explaining the key ingredients for becoming a person that others can rely on.
• At 1:09:39 - "You by definition will die with an unfinished symphony. That is the nature of your life. And don't stop just so you could finish." - Walter on finding peace at the end of life by accepting that one's work and purpose will always continue.
• At 1:13:42 - "It doesn't matter how, but it does matter now." - Walter Green summarizing the simple, urgent message behind expressing appreciation to those who have impacted your life.
• At 1:14:11 - "For me, it's purpose time... You give me time, it's purpose time." - Walter distinguishing his approach of living a life of service from simply passing time in retirement.

Takeaways

• Proactively express appreciation to important people in your life now, rather than waiting for a special occasion or a funeral.
• Consider your life's journey in distinct phases or "acts" to better understand your personal growth and current priorities.
• When celebrating milestones, focus on honoring the people who have supported you to create a more meaningful and reciprocal experience.
• To amplify the impact of acknowledgment, consider expressing it in a group setting.
• Confront personal fears about mortality to live a more present and purpose-driven life.
• Reframe later stages of life as "purpose time" dedicated to service and meaningful contribution, not just leisure.
• Cultivate authenticity and empathy to build deeper relationships and become a trusted pillar of support for others.
• Embrace the idea that a life of purpose is a continuous journey, and find peace in the process rather than striving for a finite completion.
• Actively connect people you care about; fostering new relationships is one of the most valuable gifts you can give.